Reasons To Hate Me

1. I whine, like this, a lot.
2. I am pretty damn ugly.
3. I am getting pretty chunky.
4. I am pretty stupid.
5. I pulled down our class average with my stupidity.
6. I can't dress like a human being.
7. I am a subconscious attention whore; I think I am depressed and suicidal, and ugly, and stupid, when I probably just want attention or something.
8. I still have urges to cut, two years after I realized that being stupid and branding myself for life wasn't going to solve any of my problems, or make me any friends.
9. I am a leech, I pull down lab groups with my uselessness and the fact that I am incapable of doing anything right, even if I try.
10. I waste time like this.
11. I want to be a good student, I admire the good students, I thumb my nose at Marijuana and Ecstasy and the Parties that I'm not invited to, while I secretly envy those who at least get to feel for a moment like they are a part of something cool and big.
12. I want and want and want.
13. I hate aging, with a passion.
14. I hate being patronized.
15. I hate feeling old.
16. I hate the fact that I will be Sixteen Years Old in less than ten days.
17. I hate the fact that school starts on Wednesday.
18. I already feel like I have forgotten something, and that I will fail, start off on the wrong foot, and prove what am idiot I am to the world again (not that they needed further evidence of my idiocy).
19. I plan to kill myself after my Grandmother, the one person who truly loves me for who I am, completely, and who has always loved me, is gone. She is 95.
20. I am the root of all evil.
21. My friends all know I am stupid, I make it clear that I am stupid, and yet I still feel hurt, secretly, when I am made to feel even stupider by one of their statements of the obvious.
22. My friends are all wonderful, talented, hard working, and perfect.
23. I work hard, achieve nothing, and want everything.
24. I am a nobody with few to no reasons to live.
25. I am a fat-ass who consumes her weight in an attempt to fill her vacuous soul.
26. I am empty headed, uncreative, and unoriginal.
27. I am a whiny, melodramatic, and short sighted teenager.
28. I am not in love.
29. Not many love me.
30. A few hate me, maybe more.
31. I feel like I have no meaning, no significance, like if I was gone nobody would notice, and those who did would not think of it for long.
32. I always feel inadequate.
33. I always feel ugly.
34. I always feel unprepared, even when I have prepared and rehearsed my lines.
35. I am selfish.
36. I feel victimized, even though I have not been victimized as much as some people who have done many great things without whining about their lousy upbringing.
37. I have no discipline.
38. I want to identify with the academic elite, but I envy my partying friends who have "lives".
39. I don't fit in with the academic elite.
40. I am not rich enough to be invited to their parties.
41. I am not cool enough to be invited to "real" parties.
42. I am not talented enough to give my parents anything to brag about to other parents.
43. I would be embarrassed and ashamed if my parents ever did brag about me.
44. I am never satisfied with what I've got.
45. I always envy others with other lives.
46. I don't remember who I am, or who I want to be.
47. I don't know anything good about me.
48. I don't know what it is, exactly, but there is something that I just generally hate about me.
49. I hate school.
50. I am jealous of people who seem to be comfortable in almost any situation, and who seem to drift through any social medium.
51. I am jealous of people who have better things to do than mingle with others.
52. I am jealous of the beautiful and skinny girls.
53. I am jealous of the rich boys.
54. I am jealous of the happy people.
55. I am jealous of the successful people.
56. I want to be more like all of them, and less like this amorphous brainless mass of nothing I have become.
57. I want to be more like who I was before I was nothing.
58. I want to be myself, an individual, and someone.
59. I don't want to be singled out and shunned any-more.
60. I don't want to have to deal with the guys who just want to mess around with me, just for the fun of it, the ones who just want to make me look stupid to make them look funny.
61. I don't want to hate.
62. I don't want to love.
63. I don't want to be numb.
64. I don't like Peanut Butter.
65. I don't like meat.
66. I don't like leather.
67. I am sometimes tempted to look at leather book binding.
68. I want to revert to skinny and anorexic like I used to be.
69. I don't want to revert, because of my brain, which I want more than anything to be growing.
70. I should be asleep.
71. I've accomplished nothing.
72. There are two days left before school starts.
73. I want to cry when I think of returning to the nest of my growing insecurities.
74. I want to die, and want to live, and want to be loved and noticed and ignored and invisible all at once.
75. I am Bi-polar.
76. I should have been born a boy, but instead I was born a girl, too assertive and argumentative for any man's taste.
77. When I cooled down and became quiet, and depressed, and empty they didn't care for me any more than they did before I was stupid.
78. I can't seem to stop being stupid now.
79. I should be asleep.
80. I can't sleep.
81. I'm wasting time here.
82. I'm stupid.
83. Time is running out.
84. I hate myself and I want to die.
85. I hate myself
86. I hate myself
87. I hate myself
88. I hate myself
89. I hate myself.
90. I want to change my name, but then I'd feel like a changeling.
91. I feel rather stupid and depressed and then I'm suddenly happy.
92. I'm not worth anything.
93. I have no money.
94. My ambitions lead me to disappointment.
95. I can't do anything.
96. I am slow.
97. I am melodramatic.
98. I must crave attention.
99. I must somehow want to be dramatic.
100. I am a lonely piece of shit.